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Post by {*LGP}GODSENT -={EB}=- on Mar 27, 2008 5:38:29 GMT -5
Rules of Conflict
The Rules of Conflict, according to the various American forces...
US Army Rules
Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.
Decide to be aggressive enough, quickly enough.
Have a plan.
Have a back-up plan, because the first one probably won't work.
Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet.
Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does not start with a "4."
Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.
Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral & diagonal preferred.)
Use cover or concealment as much as possible.
Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.
Always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.
In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived.
If you are not shooting, you should be communicating your intention to shoot...
Navy SEAL's Rules
Look very cool in sunglasses.
Kill every living thing within view.
Adjust speedo.
Check hair in mirror.
US Army Rangers Rules
Walk in 50 miles wearing 75 pound rucksack while starving.
Locate individuals requiring killing.
Request permission via radio from "Higher" to perform killing.
Curse bitterly when mission is aborted.
Walk out 50 miles wearing a 75 pound rucksack while starving.
Marine Corps Rules
Curse bitterly when receiving operational order.
Make sure there is extra ammo and extra coffee.
Curse bitterly.
Curse bitterly
Do not listen to 2nd Lieutenants, it can get you killed.
Curse bitterly!
US Air Force Rules
Have a rostertail.
Adjust temperature on air conditioner.
See what's on HBO.
Ask "what is a gunfight?"
Request more funding from Congress with a "killer" Power Point presentation.
Wine & dine 'key' Congressmen, invite DOD & defense industry executives.
Receive funding, set up new command and assemble assets.
Declare the assets "strategic" and never deploy them operationally.
Hurry to make 13:45 tee time.
Make sure the base is as far as possible from the conflict but close enough to have tax exemption.
US Navy Rules
Go to Sea.
Drink Coffee.
Deploy Marines
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Post by {*LGP}GODSENT -={EB}=- on Mar 27, 2008 5:41:08 GMT -5
Top 10 Rejection Lines Given by Women (and what they actually mean...)
10. I think of you as a brother. (You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in "Deliverance")
9. There's a slight difference in our ages. (You are one Jurassic geezer.)
8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way (You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes upon)
7. My life is too complicate right now. (I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing)
6. I've got a boyfriend (who's really my male cat and a half gallon of Ben & Jerry's)
5. I don't date men where I work (Hey bud, I wouldn't even date you if you were in the same solar system, much less the same building)
4. It's not you, it's me (It's not me, it's you)
3. I'm concentrating on my career (Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)
2. I'm celibate. (I've sworn off *only* the men like you.) .....and the #1 rejection line given by women (and what it actually means)
1. Let's be friends. (I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have sex with; it's that 'male perspective' thing) -----------------------------------------------------------------
IN RESPONSE ~The male perspective on the same issue ---Top 10 Rejection Lines Given by Men (and what they actually mean..)
10. I think of you as a sister (You're ugly)
9. There's a slight difference in our ages (You're ugly)
8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way (You're ugly)
7. My life is too complicated right now. (You're ugly)
6. I've got a girlfriend (You're ugly)
5. I don't date women where I work (You're ugly)
4. It's not you, it's me (You're ugly)
3. I'm concentrating on my career (You're ugly)
2. I'm celibate (You're ugly) .....and the #1 rejection line given by men (and what it actually means)
1. Let's be Friends (You're SINFULLY ugly!) and some more .....
THE LAST 10 THINGS ANY WOMAN WOULD EVER SAY:
10. Could our relationship be more physical? I'm tired of just being friends.
9. Go ahead and leave the seat up, it's easier for me to douche that way. 8. I think hairy butts are really sexy.
7. Hey, get a whiff of that one.
6. Please don't throw that old t-shirt away, the holes in the armpit are just too cute.
5. This diamond is way too big.
4. I won't even put my lips on that thing unless I get to swallow.
3. Wow, it really is 14 inches!
2. Does this make my butt look too small?
1. I'm wrong, you must be right again.
THE LAST 10 THINGS ANY MAN WOULD EVER SAY
10. I think Barry Manilow is one cool motherfrucer.
9. While I'm up, can I get you a beer?
8. I think hairy butts are really sexy.
7. Her tits are just too big.
6. Sometimes I just want to be held.
5. That chick on "Murder, She Wrote" gives me a woody.
4. Sure I'd love to wear a condom.
3. We haven't been to the mall for ages, let's go shopping and I can hold your purse.
2. fruc Monday Night Football, let's watch Murphy Brown.
1. I think we are lost, we better pull over and ask directions.
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Post by {*LGP}GODSENT -={EB}=- on Mar 27, 2008 5:44:21 GMT -5
Glossary of computer terms
Alpha
Software undergoes alpha testing as a first step in getting user feedback. Alpha is Latin for "doesn't work."
Beta
Software undergoes beta testing shortly before it's released. Beta is Latin for "still doesn't work." It is worth noting that "Release 1.0" can also be translated as "still doesn't work but rent was due".
Computer
Instrument of torture. The first computer was invented by Roger "Duffy" Billingsly, a British scientist. In a plot to overthrow Adolf Hitler, Duffy disguised himself as a German ally and offered his invention as a gift to the surly dictator. The plot worked. On April 8, 1945, Adolf became so enraged at the "Incompatible File Format" error message that he shot himself. The war ended soon after Hitler's death, and Duffy began working for IBM.
CPU
Central propulsion unit. The CPU is the computer's engine. It consists of a hard drive, an interface card and a tiny spinning wheel that's powered by a running rodent - a gerbil if the machine is a old machine, a ferret if it's more recent and a ferret on speed if it's a "performance model".
Default Directory
Black hole. Default directory is where all files that you need disappear to. The default directory exists in part to ensure you lose some important files when you (or a virus) reformat your hard drive.
Error message
Terse, baffling remark used by programmers to place blame on users for the program's shortcomings.
File
A document that has been saved with an unidentifiable name. It helps to think of a file as something stored in a file cabinet - except when you try to remove the file, the cabinet gives you an electric shock and tells you the file format is unknown.
Hardware
Collective term for any computer-related object that can be kicked or battered, often without breaking.
Help
What we all need. Actually, it is the feature that assists in generating more questions. When the help feature is used correctly, users are able to navigate through a series of Help screens and end up where they started from without learning anything... but now it's their fault and they should buy more RAM.
Input/Output
Information is input from the keyboard as intelligible data and output to the printer as unrecognizable junk.
Interim Release
A programmer's feeble attempt at repentance. (like this one... emmm)
Memory
Of computer components, the most generous in terms of variety, and the skimpiest in terms of quantity.
Printer
A joke in poor taste. A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
Programmers
Computer avengers. Once members of that group of high school nerds who wore tape on their glasses, played Dungeons and Dragons, and memorized Star Trek episodes; now millionaires who create "user-friendly" software to get revenge on whoever gave them noogies.
Reference Manual
Object that raises the monitor to eye level. Also used to compensate for that short table leg.
Scheduled Release Date
A carefully calculated date determined by estimating the actual shipping date and subtracting six months from it.
User-Friendly
Of or pertaining to any feature, device or concept that makes perfect sense to a programmer.
Users
Collective term for those who stare vacantly at a monitor. Users are divided into three types: novice, intermediate and expert.
• Novice Users - People who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer.
• Intermediate Users - People who don't know how to fix their computer after they've just pressed a key that broke it.
• Expert Users - People who break other people's computers.
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Post by {*LGP}GODSENT -={EB}=- on Mar 27, 2008 5:51:48 GMT -5
Stuffed A description of an item of equipment indicating that it does not work quite as well as when it was new. This situation is not expected to change in the near future.
fruced Terminally stuffed.
fruc me dead
A technical expression meaning that after you have totally stripped an assembly you didn't really need to, you have read the manual to discover a major warning in bold type saying never to touch that part under any circumstances whatsoever, as it requires factory (overseas) realignment.
fruc it all An expression that follows the tinging sound of a miniature spring or circlip bouncing off something on the other side of the room. Unfortunately, you didn't see where it came from, where it went to, and have no idea what it looks like.
frucing bloody fruc An expression used after 2 full days reassembling and mechanical aligning to find that an extremely fundamental part is still sitting under the workshop bench.
Holy bloody shit The expression used immediately after stripping the thread or hexagon off a small bolt and remembering that it had a left hand thread.
Shit, fruc, shit The technical expression denoting full understanding that the thing you have just dropped into the bowels of the machine is not only critically important to the machines operation, but is completely beyond retrieval.
Shit, shit, shit Something weighing 400kg is sitting on my finger. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit... Something hot weighing 400 kg is sitting on my finger.
How the fruc... Often used to indicate that in your opinion the designers of the machine might have done something a bit differently.
Bloody fruc Somebody will have to find a first aid kit. Holy frucing shit This is a 440 volt circuit, and I think I've forgotten to isolate it.
Bugger bloody fruc You see a severed 200 cable wiring harness and reach an immediate understanding of why the equipment rack required extra force to close it.
NOTE: If the word 'Holy' is used in conjunction with this expression, it means that all 200 wires in the harness are the same colour.
frucing darn shit I have just picked up the wrong end of a soldering iron.
frucing bloody darn A general phrase indicating minor irritation. Holy bloody fruc My tie is caught by something being driven by a 200 horsepower motor and I can't reach the power switch.
Bugger, fruc, darn An indication of full acceptance that the final, binding quote given to the customer omitted the $1800 parts content of the job.
I don't talk to dorks like you An expression that initiates many long and meaningful meetings between your management and the customer, where your manager desperately tries to persuade the customer that something you passionately believe in has never entered your head.
If you're such a clever chicken, why don't you fix the bloody thing A phrase which precedes an unusually long period before the next salary increase. Can be effective at getting you on a Customer Relations course.
fruc off syphillis face A phrase used with customers upon being asked how much bloody longer you intend to be.
If you don't like the way I'm frucing fixing it... I was taught that a screwdriver also doubles as a cold chisel, a putty knife, a tyre lever, a door jam, a paint stirrer, a big nail, an emergency fuse link, something to lean under the tyre of your managers car, or a tool to wake snoozing apprentices (when sharpened).
Why don't you frucing buy another one If you persist in using something built during the Crimean War, of course it will sometimes break down.
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Post by [INF]JayToTheK-={EB}=- on Mar 27, 2008 6:29:55 GMT -5
roflcopterz
hahahaha.
xD.
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Post by {*CP}Mr.1St -={EB}=- on Mar 27, 2008 6:45:48 GMT -5
ROFL
LOL
applause!
XD.
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Post by {TEC}Wellhello {Retired}In TEC on Mar 27, 2008 10:24:16 GMT -5
a gramy goes to u sir
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Post by {*CP}Poopsatan-={EB}=- on Mar 27, 2008 13:25:40 GMT -5
that is so true and funny
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Post by {*RT}-teh_killah-={EB}=- on Mar 27, 2008 15:56:55 GMT -5
Hahhaha its good.. its good  |
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Post by {*MG}eFFeX-={EB}=- on Mar 27, 2008 21:22:46 GMT -5
US Army Rules
are so true lol
cant wait until i enlist.
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Post by {*RT}Borfus-={EB}=- on Mar 27, 2008 22:49:47 GMT -5
lol curse bitterly.
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Post by {*CP}Mr.1St -={EB}=- on Mar 28, 2008 8:09:53 GMT -5
Let's be Friends (You're SINFULLY ugly!) agree  |
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Post by {*OP}metal-={EB}=- on Apr 7, 2008 15:49:16 GMT -5
is there anything God cant do?
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Post by {*CP}Mr.1St -={EB}=- on Apr 8, 2008 5:24:19 GMT -5
Let me think about that question  there probebly is something..  |
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Post by {*CP}MonstaRr-={EB}=- on Apr 8, 2008 14:10:11 GMT -5
lol monday night football thats typical american
monday night football loool
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Post by {*CP}Mr.1St -={EB}=- on Apr 9, 2008 1:44:31 GMT -5
I know it: Being GAY god cant do that, because, because.. hes NOT gay right? |
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Post by {*LGP}GODSENT -={EB}=- on Apr 10, 2008 9:44:55 GMT -5
on friday the 11th me and elvis will have had been mairred for 20 years,,, so I have to say ..no mitch... I M not.. but the question is.. ARE YOU???  JK... ;D |
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Post by {*CP}Mr.1St -={EB}=- on Apr 11, 2008 5:07:16 GMT -5
I like girls, WEE ! ;D so NO, im not a queer  |
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Post by [INF]JayToTheK-={EB}=- on Apr 11, 2008 11:23:21 GMT -5
mitch, lying isn't cool, you know that?
LOL
curry?
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Post by {*CP}Mr.1St -={EB}=- on Apr 11, 2008 12:20:52 GMT -5
your the biggest gay in the clan/world, u queer LOL curry? with some toast? |
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Post by {*CP}aliciabby-={EB}=- on Apr 11, 2008 14:28:40 GMT -5
on friday the 11th me and elvis will have had been mairred for 20 years,,, so I have to say ..no mitch... I M not.. but the question is.. ARE YOU??? JK... ;D HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!! ;D ;D |
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Post by {*OP}metal-={EB}=- on Apr 11, 2008 14:30:18 GMT -5
happy anniversary! hope u hav a good 1
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Post by {*CP}MonstaRr-={EB}=- on Apr 11, 2008 17:28:48 GMT -5
happy anniversary
what u gonna buy?
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Post by {*OP}metal-={EB}=- on Apr 11, 2008 19:17:16 GMT -5
probably condoms monster....jk
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Post by {*RT}-teh_killah-={EB}=- on Apr 11, 2008 23:02:55 GMT -5
hahaha niiiiiiice!
happy anniversary!
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![[INF]JayToTheK-={EB}=- Avatar](http://storage.proboards.com/forum/images/defaultavatar.png){kind=avatar}
there probebly is something.. 
))